Disgusting Drinks for Designated Drivers

There was a period in my life where every Friday and Saturday night involved me driving lotsa inebriated cohorts home from various soirees. All of this commuting caused me to build up quite the thirst, however since I knew I was gonna be DD’ing my night away I never ‘sipped the sauce’.
This did not keep me from having an interesting night of libation consumption of my own. I used to entertain myself by evaluating what side dish-mixers were available and mingling up some elixirs of my own design.
In my heart, I know that none of these will land me a starring role on Food Network as honestly, most of these turned out to be rather revolting (hence the name of this post), but some of them surprised with their tastiness.
I recently came across an old journal where I’d kept a listing of these concoctions. I will share these creations with you today. I believe that I consumed each of these at least once (some more than once). I will not try to sway you by confessing which ones were proven to be palatable, discovering this information on your own is 78% of the fun. The resulting 22% is derived from enticing a nearby trusting soul into trying one that revealed itself to be extra foul. But, I wash my hands of that. That’s all on you.
And now on with the list:

Lecherous Monk = Coke + OJ
Sweaty Dog = sweet tea + 7-up + dash of salt
Bitter Biscuit = Dr. Pepper + OJ
Bitter Bagel = Dr. Pepper + Sunny D
Skinny Cat = Sprite + OJ
Skinny Rat = Sprite + Sunny D
Bushy Foot = crushed pineapple + maraschino cherry juice + soda of choice
Shinsplint = grapefruit juice + grape soda (with a sugared rim)
Sock Butt = Coke + Kool-ade (any flavor) + Sunny D
Fat Hagget = tspn of honey + coke + water + dash of salt
Horny Nun = coke + Sunny D
Bloody Yak = maraschino cherry juice + OJ + olive
Sweet Rabbit = Coke + water + lemon juice
Hoesmack = Nehi(yes it must be Nehi) peach soda + OJ
Lacy’s Southside Hoe = tomato juice + brown sugar*

*(ok, somebody else came up with this one so I never tasted it)

The building blocks of these gastronomic behemoths included whatever was lying about at the various social gatherings. I challenge you all to addend this list with non-alcoholic sublimations of your own. Perhaps if I can amass enough of them…just perhaps Food Network will take notice.